Goodbye 2012

                I’ve been skipping these end of the year blog post I use to do every year for the past couple years but since I’m in the writing mood I might as well do one this year. I guess this year was pretty good as I step back and reflect on it. I graduated from ASU with my Bachelor’s then got accepted to Graduate school at U of A soon after making my move in June to Tucson. I have a successful start with that but not as successful as I wanted it to be due to taking on more than I could handle leading me to my main resolution for 2013: DON’T TAKE MORE THAN I CAN HANDLE…I think that is a good one, saying No should somehow tie in there as well. Next, the worst month of the year is usually my favorite one because it involves my birthday and Halloween as well as the best weather and colors and that was October. Life is too short and you don’t realize it until you lose those you love and also have other personal demons I must deal with and resolve if not I will not be happy ever.  I cried so much that month that I just couldn’t cry after a while, and I do not want to relive that again. I made a decision to better myself in November by accepting that I have some personal issue I have been dealing with for a long time. I am trying to be more confident and comfortable in my own skin and also accepting that I am in a relationship that if we continue for our planned 40 years and get married, it won’t be his first and he has a kid as well: not that I didn’t know all this but this is something that I have an issue with that I am working on my own. I either accept being #2 or move on and try and follow my past plan of being someone’s first…I really don’t find it fair to just move on when do love this guy and has been so supportive of me, even with this issue, I guess things are just a step at a time and I have to remember that I CHOSE THIS CUP.

                Finally, this last month of December I have made decisions that I hope will be for the best especially with being in school and that is to leave Starbucks. I have given a lot of my time to this company and as much as I will miss it, the time has come to close this chapter. I thank EVERYONE I worked with and ALL my customers even the crazy one that threw a cheese Danish at my head and made me cry, because all of those memories and the experience has helped mold me into the person I am. I think I wouldn’t have to social skills I have now without the Starbucks experience. I hope that I finish school as planned and even if I get a 3.0 all the way, I will take it which I cannot believe I am writing that down since I would NEVER had said that in the past. I just want to be the best I can for me and for all those that will have to deal with me. I plan for better health, mentally and physically as well as being stronger in speaking up and dealing with my emotions.

I wish everyone a safe and happy new year and I hope that people continue to remember the important things in life and love those around especially you family!

Peace, Love and May the force be with you all,

Amy

Oh love, oh life!

Lately, I have been a mess! With all of the excitement of relocating to Tucson for graduate school I have also been extremely stressed out! I literally forgot how to spell my last name and my brain is constantly throbbing with a sharp pain from just continuously thinking of everything! I'm hoping some of this stress simmers down since I am moving on the 22nd of this month which is 2 weeks away! I know a lot of my stress right now is just trying to figure out how I'm gonna do it ALONE!

I have always been around people and moving out by myself, will be different. Knowing that I will not be able to see my family when ever is going to be a bit strange at first but I know eventually someone will come down and say hello. I think my main worry lately has been the fact that I will be in a relationship where I will probably only see my boyfriend one every other week. Even though we see each other once or twice a week regularly, knowing that I'm an extra hour away than what I already am from him is killing me! I know it sounds silly and I try  telling myself to snap out of it but I have come to the terms that I really do love Quentin. I never thought I could let myself feel this emotion again in the extent that I have because I did that once and totally had my heart broken not once but twice by the same guy. I guess the only difference between then and now is that I have become smarter in getting to the love stage than with the last, which made me more sure that I am madly in love with him. I fear this feeling but I also embrace it because it brings me the happiness I was lacking for a few years before him.

I know in my heart that we can still make things work apart and I just need to keep hoping for him to get his break down in Tucson so we can be together everyday possible. Next Friday we will be heading back down to Tucson for an other meet and greet at a potential place of work for him. I really hope he gets it!  For now, I'll just keep moving forward and keep loving like I have never loved before. Here's to the present and future.

Update on my Chaotic life

It has been almost over a year that I have had an update! I use to be so good at this and I am thinking this will be good to get back to doing because I find blogging as a way to relive stress and I have had plenty lately! Of course with that stress there is the good like being accepted into graduate school for Library Science which has been my main goal since starting school almost 3 years ago! Now the stressful part is relocating to Tucson and having enough money to pay the bills and go to school full time. I also hope that Quentin finds a job down there so he can move in with me because he really knows how to bring me back to a normal state when I'm just stressing! Hopefully, everything falls into place. I'll be posting more often!